What a crazy turn of events

New Years Eve day was spent searching for just the perfect gift for Alexis. In an instant of the question, “So what would she like?,” coming from Allyson’s lips, I realized that I wasn’t close to sure. I have no idea what my 11 year old would really enjoy besides a cell phone and some new Ugg boots, both of which were not even close to being viable options. I should probably have started this by saying that Joe, my 15 year old son, is very simple to shop for in most, if not all, situations. Christmas, his birthday, gifts from our trips afar, and little somethings for no reason, are very easy to find. Moreover, Joe has an amazing way of treating the gifts that he does receive as if it is the exact thing he never know he always wanted. I could give him petrified dog poop and as long as it came in a presentable box and had a half baked story that went along with it, it was a good as gold to him. As of late there are three things that you simply cannot go wrong with, hats, watches, and bow ties. All acceptable addictions in my opinion. While in Denver, Ally and I found ourselves on Larimer Square and ultimately in a World famous hat shop and we both spotted a must have almost instantly. Complete with a hat box and smiles of satisfaction, we walked out of the store within 5 minutes of walking in and had the perfect “prize” to bring home to Joe. To Allyson’s dismay we still had to search every corner of Colorado Mills, Washington Street in Golden, and everywhere in between (i.e.. Neiman Marcus, Off Saks 5th Ave, BCBG). We did finally settle on a purse to replace the bag that Alexis is currently carrying. Not being a purse woman myself I detest carry them but understand why some believe it to be a necessity, my precious little girl being one of them. I just hope she likes it and if not, I’ll pull the “old Jewish Mother” routine and guilt her into liking it. It’s the thought that counts, right? If she knows what’s good for her it will be.

Our perfect gift search brought us to Woody’s Wood Fire Pizza Parlor on Washington Street in Golden. I blame the smells of yummy goodness and the extensive list of beers on draft. They have an all you can eat soup, salad, and pizza special for lunch and dinner that can’t be beat. While I was not interested in eating like I was training for a competitive eating contest I was interested in trying several different kinds of pizza that just one pie would not offer. It was no New York style pie, to which I am partial, but it was very tasty. I washed down my four pieces of assorted pizza with a winterfest pint that helped to round it all off nicely. I’d be lying to say that I paid attention to exactly what Allyson was eating but it was something along the same lines. There was an Asian tourist that was seated in the booth next to us who tried order “soap” and failed to catch what the waiter meant when he was told that it was self serve. I find it tragic to keep people from their food so I noticed that he sat for quite a while and probably didn’t realize what the deal was. When the waiter we shared walked by I mentioned to him that I didn’t think that our neighbor understood what needed to happen in order to get his bowl of soap. The dumb American came out of our waiter instantly and he walked over to explain again, louder, the same directions he had given ten minutes before. Ally was ready to get up and get for him. I did find this idea comical but when the waiter realized his loud but still in english directions were useless he came back with a bowl. I did see the man get his sandwich before we left so I didn’t need to worry about him starving and could head out with a clear conscience.

On our back from a quick trip to Boulder, Allyson started to feel a like sick to her stomach and by the time we reached the halfway point to Golden she was in full blown YUCK! I figured it was a combination of too much pizza, the altitude and a rough night sleeping the night before and all she needed was to lay down for a while before we headed over to friends for dinner and the ringing in of a new year. By 8 o’clock she could hardly move and our plans for the evening involved laundry, frequent trips to the bathroom for Ally, and The Natural starring Robert Redford for me. I can think of worse ways to spend the evening even though the sparkling wine that has traveled from North Carolina, to Georgia, and on to Colorado is back in the ice chest on its way back to Georgia. Some things just aren’t meant to be. On a good note, no hangover or regrettable Facebook photo uploads. Sorry to all of Allyson’s adoring fans that were hoping for a repeat drunk dial resulting in her singing on your vm for 3-5 minutes respectively. She reserves that behavior for Indigo Girls concerts and they are most certainly canned Corona induced.

Napoleon woke me at about 530 on New Years Day for our final bathroom run in the duffel bag and the -15 weather outside. It was so cold when we reached our 
potty spot that Napoleon wouldn’t hike and settled instead for a quick squat and a mad dash for the car. When we made it back to the room Allyson had managed to get up and shower and was trying to get herself together, still obviously sick. I’ll spare the nasty details and hope only that you will never have to experience it first hand. I poured her into the car at about 9 and set out for home. She was miserable but a trooper and just very interested in getting into our bed that waited a mere 26 hours away. This leads us to 9 hours later, somewhere off the Interstate in Wichita and a flat passenger side tire with no service station in sight. Now, I need to make sure that my Lesbian Members Card is not revoked. I have changed a tire on this 4Runner and many other cars for that matter but the jack that Toyota not so graciously provided might be great for a Tercel but is WAY too small for it’s larger cousin the SUV. We were on a slant in a dark area and there is a reason we pay so much for car insurance. By gosh, we were going to use it! About an hour after the insurance company was called our “RESCUE RANGER” in an two door Acura, showed up to change the tire. As if the car wasn’t sign enough, when he pulled his floor jack from the trunk, I got worried and wished for a moment I had taken my chances with the MADE IN CHINA mini-jack. In the mean time Allyson got in contact with an old friend who lives in Wichita and she showed up to enjoy the show. So, if you can picture Allyson, the dog, the “RESCUE RANGER”, Allyson’s friend, and myself, all on the side of the road trying to fix a tire you can imagine what kind of scene it was. The term, “Four monkey’s humpin’ a football”, comes to mind.

You can also imagine that at 10 o’clock at night our driving was done and a gracious invite to the local pub was hard to pass up after the evenings adventure. My days of heavy drinking are over but once in a while, I don’t mind watching friends drink too much, get too loud, and party like tomorrow isn’t going to suck. I think we may have made it back to Lisa’s (the friend from Wichita) house around 1 and we were in bed by 130. My big mouth and our story about the fire alarm back in Colorado resulted in an air horn at the door an hour later and Lisa carrying on about exiting for our safety. Drunko the circus monkey, AKA My beloved, doesn’t remember the events that transpired after her head hit the pillow so you won’t be able to confirm this story with her, you’ll have to take my word for it. If I hadn’t seen it that morning I would have never believed that she was as sick as she was.

Oh oh oh, for those of you wondering, Allyson is still feeling OK and I am writing this on I-35 somewhere between the Kansas/Oklahoma state line and Oklahoma City. We are headed towards Fort Smith Arkansas and may or may not stop in Hot Springs this afternoon to get some water and see Allyson’s Dad. Home is getting closer with every passing mile and I can almost smell the fabric softener on my sheets. In honor of our great adventure in Kansas, there is no place like home.

A post on the fly ...

I can tell by the water running in the bathroom that Allyson is almost getting ready. I have yet to blow dry my hair so I'm gonna get, "BABIED" in a second. She HATES to wait for me. So this will be quick but I promise to post again this evening if the stars align.

THE WEATHER: We are waiting on a decent snow storm ... if everything works out according to NOAA.GOV then we will enjoy some white stuff for a few days and leave on a warm note. I had hoped to wake to a nice blanket of snow on the ground and was a little pensive about how I was going to negotiate the dog outside in the bag and into the snow. He has yet to use the puppy potty in the snow. To my dismay, it was a warm 32 this morning at 5:30 CMT. I may regret it tomorrow but I was hoping it would be a little colder here during our visit.

We did have a little excitement yesterday morning at about 6 when the fire alarm in our hotel went off. We quickly made our way outside in our PJ's with the duffel over my shoulder. Napoleon was obviously troubled by the obnoxiously loud alarm and was doing what I think were laps around the bag. I can't imagine what the people spilling out of the hotel were thinking about the two crazy girls with the creepy black bag.

HARK, I hear an anxious Allyson wanting me to get off my butt and into the bathroom the fix my hair. We are going exploring today and having lunch with an old friend from high school that I ran into at Borders our first full day in Golden. Imagine that, two Hollister Haybalers in the same Borders 1500 miles from home.

Pilgrimage to the Rocky Mountains

I think this may be the first time that I have "stopped" since, Monday the 20th. All good stuff but intense, to say the least. So, here I sit, in Golden, Co. typing away from the comfort of my Hampton Inn bed. The weather outside is crisp but not too cold. About 20 degrees warmer than home according to reports and I am a happy goose.

The drive was not too bad. Our first day started a little later than we expected, surprise, surprise. We made Ft. Smith, Ar., at 1230 EST. We got checked in and we were both out the instant our heads hit the pillow. Rather uneventful for the most part. Yesterday started about 9, again, and according to Magy we had about 14 hours ahead of us. We reached Wichita just before 2 PM and decided to find something yummy to eat. A quick Google search at the Starbucks just off the interstate revealed a tiny hole in the wall place about 5 miles from where we were. I have just four words to describe Le Monde, OUT OF THIS WORLD. Allyson decided on the lamb shank and I, the gyro. The floor was dirty, the tables were crooked, the plates were chipped but the food was incredible and the tab with under $30 for us both. Can't say enough about it. If you ever find yourself in Wichita, you need to find yourself at La Monde.

This is our first major road trip with Napoleon. He was amazing in the car. I had no idea how much the little monster would add to the drive, like a kid full of wonder but without the incessant, "Are we there yet?". Don't get me wrong, I love to travel with my kids, I really enjoy showing them new things and discovering things as a family but sometimes a girl needs a breather. Truth be told, he slept most the way but he is a great lap warmer and always good for a laugh. He rather enjoyed his bone from Allyson's lunch so you can say he is now an asphalt foodie like his Mama and Son Son. Now for another truth, the hotel doesn't allow pets so we have had to smuggle him in and out twice for "outside" time. I had to clear out my duffel and stuff him inside. (I always get a good chuckle when I unzip the bag and his head pops out ... hysterical. In fact, I'll try to catch it on the flip tonight.) I decided that it was less conspicuous than the zebra print blanket that Carla bought Allyson for this trip. Middle of the night, shuffling along in your slippers, hugging a fuzzy blanket, is believable. Middle of the day, dressed and ready to go out .... not so sneaky. So far, so good. Hopefully he will continue to be cooperative and we will be able to say we weren't thrown out of our room.

Not sure what today holds. Maybe Boulder, maybe not. I can almost promise good food and would bet the farm on good times with great friends. My post tomorrow may be a little late depending on how good of a time.

Life has the most interesting twists and turns

I guess when I think about it, Allyson and I really only "dated" for a short period of time. Trips to Lowes for toggle bolts, picking up the children from school, soccer games and theater rehearsals really is a stretch for dating by it's strictest definition. We spent a great deal of time together considering all the things that needed to be accomplished on a daily.

On one such outing while driving to one of the aforementioned tasks and past the Knight's Inn in Albany, Ally turned to me and in her sultry southern drawl she said, "If you act right, I'll take you to the Knight's Inn." To say that I nearly p'd myself laughing is an understatement. For those of you that are not from the greater Albany area you've all got a Knights Inn. Whether it is called the Cinderella, The Wiebe, or the Hitching Post, they are all the same.

Now the twist ... It's 7 A.M. and Allyson and I are sitting in RM. 202 of the Knights Inn. Voluntarily. Ally is doing hair for a three day Indian wedding and the brides family owns the Inn. I'm having to really watch my tongue and keep the seedy motel jokes to myself. No easy task.

I have never actually attended an Indian wedding but anything that lasts three days has got to be good. Why would you stretch something on so long if it sucked? As I sit and click away at the keys the mother of the bride is having her make-up finished but she is calm and collected as her daughters ask questions about the days events. She doesn't look old enough to be the mother of a bride. Her Saree is absolutely beautiful ... worth every moment of the seven week that was spent in India searching for the perfect ones. Every gown compliments each of the women perfectly. I think most of what I notice is that everyone is happy despite the hour and the fact that seven hundred people are waiting for the days events. SEVEN HUNDRED! The bride is to my left and from where I am sitting I can see the intricate beading and the silk fabric. I'm excited for Ally to finish pinning her curls so I can see her entire gown.

What I find most comforting about this whole experience is the certainty. With thousands of years of tradition on your side I guess it's all pretty much been done. I'm guess this is the first time, at least in this families lineage, that a lesbian and her girlfriend were a part of the mix.

Home at last

WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW! What a trip. Literally and metaphorically. I thought this trip would be unforgettable and I was right!

The total miles logged from December 20 thru yesterday, January 5th totalled out at 5972.8. I realize that truckers do it like it's nothing but I'm not a trucker and they don't travel with their whole family ... or maybe they do, in which case I pity them. I don't mean to sound like I didn't enjoy myself, I did. TREMENDOUSLY! It was just plain exhausting.

The kids were great. Joe behaved like a trypical teenager, waking only to eat and use the little boy's room. Alexis was a great sport, reading and keeping herself entertained. There were a few moments when one or both were uncomfortable and a squable started. I found myself looking over my shoulder and saying something so typical like, "When I was a kid there were three of us in the back seat and laying down wasn't an option, stop your whining." Nothing quite like becoming your mother. I'm not certain that there was reasoning behind leaving the dvd players at home but I'm also not sure that it occured to me to pack them so this was a movie free trip with the kids. I feel another Mom moment coming on ... Remember when you were stuck listening to whatever your parents had on the radio and playing travel connect-four with a mint to replace one of the missing piece? DVD's are for sissy!

Our return trip was not quite as food centric and frankly the camera made few appearances. 14-16 hour travel days were not really condusive to snapping pictures and discovering new places to feed our faces. Don't cry for them, Argentina, the kids did not get robbed by any means with a stop at In' n Out, home-cooking at Grandma's, and some of the best bar-b-que I have ever tasted. I bet hot-lunch at school today (I was in no mood to pack lunches) was a big adjustment from the last two weeks.

I guess this concludes our posts from our first official GAYWALD Vacation .. We hope you have enjoyed a peak into our insanity and we look forward to our next adventure and sharing it with you.

I’ve always had the idea in the back of my head that blogging was for people that had something profound to say. HA, guess not! I don’t know that anything of substance has been recorded over the last two weeks but at the very least the writing has entertained Allyson and I and helped to pass the time.

Truth be told, I think Allyson is probably one of the funniest people I have ever met and I’m almost certain that she feels the same way. I think she also finds me mildly amusing. I suppose there is the distinct possibility that she is laughing at me but entertainment is entertainment, right? If I were to be asked for my insight into a relationship and it’s success, I would probably say it is most important to be able to laugh with your “person,” and at yourself. I relate to people through humor and if I spend my time or effort poking fun at you, I like you. I suppose I make fun of people I don’t like either ... I really don’t discriminate. You’ll have to decide which category you fall under.

For those of you just tuning in, Joe and Alexis flew out the Thursday before Allyson and I set out on our leg of the trip. Traveling with the kids is a totally different experience. On our way out, we spent endless hours oohing and ahhing over the beautiful landscape that stretched out in front of us. My 14 and 10 year old really don’t give a damn what’s going on outside the car unless it involves a drive-thru window and whatever is coming out of it. I really can’t complain, the kids are being great given the circumstances and I haven’t had to break out the first-aid kit. BONUS!

We hope to end up in Garland, Texas tonight/early tomorrow morning for a quick visit with Alexis’ paternal Grandparents. There’s somethin’ to chew on ... I’m taking my girlfriend and my kids to my ex-husband’s parents house .... The only thing better would be if HE read this blog!

Alrighty, that’s it for now, kiddies ... it’s time to pay attention to the road. The people behind me are really not sympathetic to all the bobbing and weaving.

I'm a bad bad blogger

I know, I know ... I'm not quite as consistent as my previous posts may have implied. I have been caught up in just being home. I will speak for myself in saying that I have had a great time. Judging by the photos I suppose it looks like all we have done is eat but that isn't entirely true either. I don't know that we have done anything monumental but it has been fun never the less. Lets recap since my last post ...

Allyson and I stopped at an Indian casino somewhere in the middle of Oklahoma, each with $20 in hand ... I left with $24.01 and Allyson left with me.

I think Ally may have mentioned our stop in OK City and our not so great meal at In The Raw. The evening did end on a nice note as a little "mis-direction" by Maggie landed us on Route 66 for a stretch. Ally may never know how close she came to losing her life after she repeated, "We are on Route 66," for the 17th time. We pushed through the remainder of Oklahoma and Texas and into New Mexico where we stopped for the night. A shower and restful sleep had become a necessity at that point and I received no complaints from my traveling companion.

Wednesday morning came too quickly but we were both anxious to get on the road and into Albuquerque for some last minute Christmas to-do's and um .. food. Sophia's had been visited by Guy Feiri of Diner's, Drive-in's, and Dives so we had to find it along with a MAC counter for Allyson's make-up necessities. I was all too eager to swap my sanity for the prospect of great food. Sad to think I would endure Christmas Mall hell for a shrimp and avocado quesadilla. Maybe I do have a problem. I did find a great scarf and convertible mittens for my little brothers new girlfriend. SCORE! Albuquerque proved to be very beautiful and I think it may have moved into my top ten places I may potentially like to live someday.

After a day of doing little or no driving I loaded up the cooler with Red Bull and I was ready for the looooong haul. We found ourselves in Flagstaff, Arizona at about 10:30 P.M. Wednesday and we decided to make our way to another Hampton Inn and call it a night. The Weather Channel had little or nothing positive to say about the front coming our way but I paid them no mind and set out on foot for ice cream. Allyson and her need for ice cream require the fortitude of the United States Postal Service ... wind, rain, sleet, snow, etc.

Thursday morning, Christmas Eve, required no distractions. We had one objective and that was to pull into my Mother's driveway before dinner. On the road by 7 A.M. and braving the -6 degrees outside. It was absolutely breathe taking. I will be forever grateful to have had the chance to take this trip with Allyson and see so much. I think it is also a reminder that if you can be in close quarters with someone for that long you can work through anything with them.

Alas, after 11 hours, we reached our destination in time and we haven't stopped since.

For now I will sign off but I promise to post more pictures and write again this evening before we say goodbye to 2009 and hello to a new decade and all it's possibilities.